Real Forgiveness
We are all familiar with the story found in Matthew 18. Peter asks Jesus how often he has to forgive someone that sins against him. Immediately, I see a red flag, and I think Jesus did too. You see, Peter wants to know the quota—the maximum amount of times he has to forgive before he can shut the other person down and say, “No more!”. Peter is looking for a real, tangible number, but the answer he receives is anything but that.
Jesus goes on to tell a story about an unforgiving servant who, even though he’d been forgiven a huge debt, refused to show mercy and extend forgiveness to someone who owed him. Aren’t we all in that same position on a daily basis? As Christians, we have all been forgiven of a debt that is beyond what we could ever repay. That payment came in the form of Jesus, sacrificing Himself on the cross for our sins. Jesus paid the debt that we ourselves could never even think about repaying. Yet, like the one in the story, we often refuse to let go of meaningless grudges. We choose to keep people indebted to us, even though we have been forgiven of so much.
Jesus closes the story with these words:
“So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” - Matt. 18:35
I’m going to be blunt for a second: Is holding a grudge worth losing your soul? This story is telling us point blank that if we don’t forgive others, God isn’t going to forgive us. Unless we choose, daily, to wipe clean the slates of those who have wronged us, our slate will not be cleaned.
Even though we all struggle with this, I think we all understand it. When people ask for forgiveness, we have to grant it. Simple as that. But the point of these studies is to dig a little deeper, so let’s go on to something that, to me, is a lot harder.
Jesus said in Luke 17:3, “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” Do you see the if there? If your brother repents, you forgive. No questions asked. But what if your brother does not repent?
To me, the hardest part of forgiveness is maintaining an attitude of forgiveness, even when the person who has wronged you has no intention of apologizing. Maybe you haven’t been in that situation before, but I have. You have been wronged—maybe publicly, maybe privately—and the person who did it couldn’t care less. They know you’re hurting. They know that what happened was wrong. Still, they choose not to apologize. So what on earth do you do?
I don’t think that Jesus would have us belittle that person. I don’t think Jesus would have us respond to that person in any way other than love. And so, if the person never apologizes and never repents, that doesn’t affect the way you live your life. You see, if you let it affect you, you’ll allow bitterness to creep into your life. If you hang onto those feelings of, “well they still won’t apologize!” and every time you see them you get angry…you’re hurting yourself. Instead, have an attitude of love regardless of how they respond. You never know, your conduct could lead them to repentance further down the road. Your loving, positive response could lead them back to Jesus, whereas a hurtful, prideful, puffed up attitude could do the exact opposite.
Christians are to be peacemakers. We’re told in Romans that, “as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” That tells me that sometimes, it will be out of my control. Sometimes, the other person just will not have peace. Still, our mindset is forgiveness. Our attitude is love. Our goal is peace.
I love the way the apostles respond to Jesus after this discussion. They simply say, “Increase our faith.”
When dealing with forgiveness and bitterness, sometimes your prayer might simply need to be, increase my faith God. I know that has been mine for a long time.
